Recently, I was invited to be ‘a friend’ on Facebook with a neighbour whom I hardly know and, more importantly, didn’t want to know. I’d previously sent this person an email on behalf of someone who doesn’t have a computer, and I realised that the email link between two people registered on Facebook was enough to trigger the invitation automatically. I find this abuse of email addresses sinister; but I also question the use of the word ‘friend’.
It takes time to develop a true friendship; to find someone whom you wish to spend time with; to share confidences with and to trust. Getting to know someone is a process starting with a realisation that you like the other person and have something in common. If that enigmatic chemistry is present, the connection may be nurtured into a friendship. Two people may then compliment each other with the term ‘best friends’.
Women seem particularly good at being friends, possibly because they’re more likely to confide in each other and share secrets. This builds a special bond between them; they understand and can relate to each other in a way that is unique to them alone.
The use of the phrase ‘to be friends with’ suggests a less intense relationship; equally, you could say ‘to be on good terms with’. This is what I’d call another category of friendship – to include the people you enjoy spending time with, maybe sharing common interests with, but who, if they disappeared from your life tomorrow, you wouldn’t really miss; friends for today but not necessarily for always.
Being a sociable species, we like to have friends, but the word (like the word ‘love’) has been diluted in meaning. As we travel more, have time to participate in various activities and use social networking websites, the chance of meeting people has increased and it’s very easy to call them a friend. Which other word would you use? An ‘acquaintance’ or ‘colleague’ can sound a bit distant, ‘someone I know’ is anonymous; so ‘friend’ is used. But don’t confuse this with the real thing – the category-A friend who you would do anything for and would really miss if absent from your life, a very special person; nothing like a Facebook friend who satisfies today’s need to feel wanted - yet may be gone tomorrow.